The Obsessive Smashers Show!
by Hoogiman
Summary: When the Smashers are not fighting, see them in their worst states! See all of their obsessive behaviours, and shocking secrets in this reveal all documentary! Episode Six: Roy is a fraudster, and forges medical degrees!
1. Marth

The Obsessive-Compulsive Smashers Show!  
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Super Smash Brothers which I happen to feature in this story. These Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo. However, my awful personality-lacking OCs are the property of me, which is probably something I shouldn't even state here because they are so dull, boring and generic that they have no redeeming or memorable values whatsoever. I would also like to apologise for Joeb for thinking he likes Green Day (he's moved on to those kids who won the kid version of American Idol (Pop Idol if you live in England (The English came up with it first, so don't think your version is special, American readers))). Now that all of that unrelated text is in the middle, I will conceal it with this following statement. I do not own any of the characters from Super Smash Brothers which I happen to feature in this story. These Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo. (Bloody hell (Lol Ron Weasely) the disclaimer is longer than the actual story).

Author's note: All of the characters will be covered, in essence of Know Your Smashers/rip-offs any other of those chat shows that cover a few individuals each chapter. If you tell me who to do next, most likely your character will go last, except if I like your favourite character, then you get off.

Dry note: This is dry as a swimming pool with no water. And that's pretty dry, right?

**The Obsessive Smashers Show!  
Episode One: Marth**

"_Marth, he is a prince, and also an excellent swordsman! A marvellous and great fighter!" said the narrator. "He is ranked in the top six and has many major Smash titles under his belt!"_

Some pictures of Marth hitting other people appeared up on the screen.

"_However, there are different Marth and Roys, that we haven't seen or heard of!" said the narrator, "In this Smash Channel exclusive, we will show you, the secret, declining lives of the Smashers, at home!"_

"Hey Falcon, cool car!" said Marth, laughing.

"Hey, thanks," said Captain Falcon.

"How much did it cost?" asked Marth, giggling incessantly.

"Er… about half a million," said Captain Falcon, nodding with pride.

"_Marth... is a pyromaniac…" said the narrator, "Which means he likes to light things on fire!"_

Marth lit a match.

"Hey, what are you doing with that match?" asked Captain Falcon.

"Oh, nothing," said Marth slyly, still giggling.

Marth dropped the match.

"Oh, oops," said Marth, faking, "Sorry."

"Dude, that's my car!" said Falcon, alarmed.

"What car?" asked Marth, looking at the car, which was starting to burn.

"NUUUEZ!" screamed Falcon.

Marth continued to laugh.

"_However, there is a major drawback to his unhealthy obsession," said the narrator._

The whole car was alight.

The flames reached the fuel tank.

The car blew up.

And because Marth was right next to the car, so did he.

"Hahaha, serves you right," said Falcon. "Haha, Marth got hurt."

Falcon looked at his car.

"NUUUEZ!1" screamed Falcon, "MY CAR!"

"_His obsessive behaviour is dangerous for his health in general," said the narrator, "And this could also lead to the annoyance of other people."_

"Hey Samus!" said Marth, walking up to Samus, "You know how you're always so worried about taking off your suit?"

"Yes?" said Samus.

"Well you don't have to worry anymore, as your power suit is on fire!" giggled Marth.

"WHAT!" screamed Samus.

"It's on fire," laughed Marth, "Despite the suit being able to withstand explosions and break the laws of gravity, I somehow managed to melt it with safety matches!"

"But I'm wearing my suit!" said Samus, shocked.

"Then what did I light on fire?" asked Marth.

"Oh no!" screamed Mario, running outside, "Luigi has been lit to death!"

Everyone had a good chuckle, because of their sadistic pleasures out of Luigi dying.

Abrupt, generic unfunny Luigi death ending.

"_Well, that's all for today!" said the narrator._

**EDN.  
(of chapter)**

See? That was really dry. Review, but please, please, PLEASE, DO NOT review who you want me to do next.


	2. Ganondorf

The Obsessive Smashers Show!  
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Super Smash Brothers which I happen to feature in this story. These Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo. However, the bogus usernames that I made up and the same guest reviews that I reviewed myself over and over again are the property of me! Not that anyone cares, because once I blocked about 40 people, I lost all of my e-popularity (or popularity on the internet), then no-one reviewed my stories! However, I still persist to review my own stories, giving me a false sense of security! I also boast about how my most popular story has about 40 favourites from other authors, when really 35 of them are bogus accounts that I made, 1 of them was me adding my own story to my favourites, 3 of them were accounts that I hacked into that I put my story on their favourites, and the other one was a genuine reviewer that liked the story! What about that? What are the odds? Honestly! Uh… and closing sentence to talk about how the characters in this story are property of Nintendo.

Author's note: All of the characters will be covered, in essence of Know Your Smashers/rip-offs any other of those chat shows that cover a few individuals each chapter. If you tell me who to do next, most likely your character will go last, except if I like your favourite character, then you get off.

Dry note: This is dry as a dehydrated marathon runner after running twelve marathons. He would be so dry that he would be hospitalised and/or dead.

**The Obsessive Smashers Show!**

**Episode Two: Ganondorf**

"_Ganondorf! Evil supervillain! And also a Smasher who has had his handful of tournaments!" said the narrator._

Some pictures of Ganondorf smiling while holding decapitated heads appeared up on the screen.

"_But when Ganondorf is not being watched by anyone, he displays odd behaviour!" said the narrator._

A few clips of Ganondorf petting his piggy banks showed up on the screen.

"_Luckily, our hidden cameras caught all of this odd behaviour!" said the narrator._

Ganondorf saw a cameraman in the room.

"What are you doing with that friggin' large camera in my room?" asked Ganondorf angrily.

"Er…" said the cameraman, "I'm a hidden camera, so you're not supposed to see me."

"Ah," said Ganondorf, continuing to give his shoes pet names.

"_His main trait is to treat all inanimate objects as pets or babies!" said the narrator._

"Hey Ganondorf," said Zelda, walking into Ganondorf's room, "I did the washing for you. Here you go!"

"Shh," said Ganondorf angrily. "Can't you see she's sleeping?"

"Oh, did you get a new puppy? Hehe, that's cute," laughed Zelda.

"Shh," shouted Ganondorf, still angry. "Can't you see she's sleeping?"

"Okay," said Zelda quietly, "Have you seen my handbag? It's missing. It's black, made of leather, has a strap that has the shape of a-"

Zelda saw Ganondorf, patting her purse in a puppy basket.

"Er… Ganondorf, that's not… a puppy… that's my… handbag," said Zelda, shocked.

"Haha, funny joke!" laughed Ganondorf.

"But," said Zelda, eyes wide open, "You're patting… an inanimate object…"

"Haha, funny joke!" laughed Ganondorf.

"That's it! I'm taking my handbag!" said Zelda, taking the bag.

"NUUEZ!1 My puppy!" shouted Ganondorf.

"_Ganondorf is very protective about his so called 'pets'," said the narrator._

"Hello, police?" asked Ganondorf on the telephone.

"Yes?" replied a voice at the other end of the line.

"I'd like to press charges against Zelda for dognapping," said Ganondorf angrily.

"Dognapping? That's a serious offence! I'll be right there!" said the policeman.

"_Ganondorf can be especially touchy if someone points out his strange behaviour," said the narrator._

"Do you like my new handbag?" asked Zelda, talking to Roy.

"Pretty Jazzy," said Roy in a charming voice.

"Hehe," laughed Zelda, "Jazzy."

The police came in, accompanied by Ganondorf.

"There she is! And there's my dog!" said Ganondorf angrily.

"Er… I don't see the dog," said the policeman. "Did she hide it somewhere?"

"No! That's the dog!" said Ganondorf, frustrated. "That is my dog!"

"What… the handbag? You're funny," laughed the policeman. "I don't see any dog!"

Ganondorf snatched the handbag from Zelda.

"THIS IS MY DOG, FOOLS!1" shouted Ganondorf, shouting.

Ganondorf stroked the handbag gently.

"It's okay, you're going to be just fine," muttered Ganondorf to the handbag.

Ganondorf looked at the police officer. "Now, arrest her!"

"I can't arrest her… for stealing her own handbag," laughed the police officer.

"IT'S A DOG! YOU PEOPLE ARE FOOLS!1" screamed Ganondorf.

"But it's… a handbag," said the police officer.

"Yeah, it's a handbag," said Roy.

"It's a handbag," said Zelda, annoyed.

"It's a handbag," said Falco, walking in the room just to say that line.

Falco walked out.

"It's not a handbag!" cried Ganondorf, "I KILL YOU ALL!"

Ganondorf stabbed everyone in the Smash Mansion.

To death.

Ganondorf picked up the handbag, and continued to stroke it.

"_Er… that's all for today," said a shocked Narrator._

**EDN.**

**(of chapter)**

See? That was really dry. Review, but please, please, PLEASE, DO NOT review who you want me to do next.

LEAVE REVIEWS THO, K?


	3. Mario

The Obsessive Smashers Show!  
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Super Smash Brothers which I happen to feature in this story. These Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo.

Author's note: All of the characters will be covered, in essence of Know Your Smashers/rip-offs any other of those chat shows that cover a few individuals each chapter. If you tell me who to do next, most likely your character will go last, except if I like your favourite character, then you get off.

Dry note: This is dry as Gene Wilder. (cue the flames)

**The Obsessive Smashers Show!**

**Episode Two: Mario**

"_Mario!" said the narrator. "Star of possibly the most interesting game in existence!"_

A clip of Mario stomping on a Goomba multiple times appeared up on the screen, and stayed there for about four minutes.

"…_uh… yeah… interesting… Mario as Wii…" said the narrator chuckling, "sorry, Mario as we know, is the face of Nintendo, and also appears in many commercials for Nintendo's gaming products!"_

A clip of Mario promoting the Wii in Slovakia appeared on the screen.

"_But what many people don't know is that Mario owns a StayPlation™, and is obsessed with its many games, including Sonic the Hedgehog!" said the narrator, appearing shocked._

In the wee hours of the morning, Mario frantically played 'Sonic The Hedgehog' on his StayPlation™, looking up every twenty seconds or so, making sure nobody would catch him playing the game.

Samus walked in. With a jump to his chest, Mario reached for the power button on the gaming console.

"I can't sleep," complained Samus, "Whatcha' doing?"

"Er…" said Mario.

Mario looked at the television screen.

"I'm… er… watching Conan," chuckled Mario nervously.

Samus, smirking, looked at Mario.

"Watching Conan with a StayPlaytion™ controller in your hands?" asked Samus.

Mario took a hammer from his belt, and crushed the controller into tiny, bitesized pieces.

"Er… what StayPlation™ controller?" asked Mario, obviously too nervous to use any rational thought.

Samus grinned slyly, and proceeded to close the door.

"Ah, now that Samus is obviously gone and will never enter the room again, this is a perfectly wonderful opportunity to play Sonic the Hedgehog!" exclaimed Mario, turning on his gaming console.

Samus walked in.

Mario gasped.

Samus noticed Sonic the Hedgehog on Mario's TV monitor.

"Hahaha! You can't escape!" laughed Samus menacingly. "I've taken a photo of you playing Sonic the Hedgehog, and there is nothing you can do! This is my ultimate blackmail, so if you don't want me to hand this to the press, pay me **twenty million dollars!**"

Samus laughed menacingly.

"_Also, Mario has a large snake collection!" said the narrator._

A gigantic anaconda devoured Samus alive.

"That was-a a close one," laughed Mario.

The anaconda devoured Mario.

…

…

"Crap, now why did I keep that as a pet in the first place?" asked Mario.

The audience chuckled.

**EDN.**

**(of chapter)**

See? That was really dry. Review, but please, please, PLEASE, DO NOT review who you want me to do next.

LEAVE REVIEWS THO, K?


	4. Zelda

The Obsessive Smashers Show!  
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Super Smash Brothers which I happen to feature in this story. These Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo.

Author's note: All of the characters will be covered, in essence of Know Your Smashers/rip-offs any other of those chat shows that cover a few individuals each chapter. If you tell me who to do next, most likely your character will go last, except if I like your favourite character, then you get off.

Dry note: This is dry as a third-degree burn. (cue the flames)

**The Obsessive Smashers Show!  
Episode Four: Zelda**

"_Zelda! Princess of Hyrule, adored by all!" said the narrator._

A couple of pictures of Zelda kissing assorted babies of different species appeared up on the screen.

"_She has always been a good friend to all people!" said the narrator._

"Here Ganondorf, I put a nice little band-aid on your arm!" said Zelda, smiling.

"Gee, thanks!" said Ganondorf sweetly.

Link stared blankly at Zelda, shocked.

"It's not what you think!" shouted Zelda.

"_But when no-one is looking, she is living a double life that would shock many viewers. In fact, because of the shocking truth of this segment, viewer discretion is advised!" said the narrator._

"_Zelda…" said the narrator._

A picture of Zelda looking innocent showed up on the screen.

"_Is actually…"_

Some stock footage of an audience gasping appeared on the screen.

"_Falco Lombardi!" said the narrator._

"Roy, I have a confession," said Zelda, clearly intoxicated.

"What?" asked Roy, taking a sip of beer.

"I am…" said Zelda, struggling for words, "Falco Lombardi!"

Roy did his pig laugh, and laughed so hard to the point of hyperventilation.

"_She has been caught on camera telling THE TRUTH!" said the narrator. "In fact, sometimes the truth hurts so much for some people, they don't even believe it the first time!"_

"No… I'm- I'm serious," said Zelda, "All of those things Falco said to you… that was… that was me in a costume all along!"

"What? That's not true! You- you are just- you are just a liar!" cried Roy. "You are a liar! You're lying! You're lying! YOU LIE! **KILL THE WITCH! KILL THE LYING WITCH!**"

Roy started to throw bottles of beer at Zelda whilst crying.

Falco walked past the camera.

"_Zelda's costume is very elaborate!" said the narrator. "In fact, the costume looks so effective, that the lips even move when Falco talks! We went to Falco's room to make him take off the costume!"_

A few cameramen and a presenter busted into Falco's room.

"Hi there, we're from the 'Smash Hollywood Channel', and we're here to find out the truth!" said the presenter, grabbing Falco.

"What truth?" asked Falco, obviously confused.

"Just get rid of the costume, you're not fooling anyone!" said the presenter.

"W- what costume?" asked Falco, scratching his head, in a state of concern.

"Fine then, I'll remove it for you!" said the presenter, tugging at Falco's head. "Now all we have to do is remove the mask!"

"I'm not wearing a mask! What are you doing? Get out of my room!" said Falco.

The presenter tore some feathers off Falco's head.

"THIS… IS… PROOF… THAT FALCO IS REALLY ZELDA!" shouted the presenter. "We have spoken!"

The camera crew ran out of Falco's room.

"WTF?" asked Falco.

"_We tried to get Zelda in her Falco costume sleeping the next day, but unfortunately, Falco pressed charges and ordered a restraining order so… we can't follow up on it… ever again… but… FALCO IS ZELDA!" said the narrator._

"_That is all…" said the narrator._

**EDN.  
(of chapter)**

See? That was really dry. Review, but please, please, PLEASE, DO NOT review who you want me to do next.

LEAVE REVIEWS THO, K?


	5. Fox

The Obsessive Smashers Show!  
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Super Smash Brothers which I happen to feature in this story. These Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo.

Author's note: All of the characters will be covered, in essence of Know Your Smashers/rip-offs any other of those chat shows that cover a few individuals each chapter. If you tell me who to do next, most likely your character will go last, except if I like your favourite character, then you get off.

Dry note: This is dry as a third-degree burn. (cue the flames)

**The Obsessive Smashers Show!**

**Episode Five: Fox**

"_Fox, leader and hero of Star Fox!" said the narrator._

Fox continuously shot at Peppy's ship.

"You're supposed to shoot Wolf," said Falco over the intercom.

"Oh," said Fox, turning his ship.

Fox started shooting at Slippy. "Hahaha! Die Wolf!"

Slippy's ship blew up.

Falco sighed, and took Wolf's ship out with a single shot.

"Yay! I did it! I did it!" cheered Fox. "I am… your hero!"

"Yay!" said a lot of fangirls, running into the ship, hugging Fox.

"But-" said Falco, shocked.

"I did it! Hooray!" celebrated Fox.

All of the fangirls did their fangirly-like flirty stuff to Fox.

"_Fox is currently the lowest ranked smasher, and a win for him is rare!" said the narrator._

Jigglypuff kept on punching at Fox, who just stood there.

"_Why won't you let me KO you?" _cried Jigglypuff desperately.

Jigglypuff passed out from heat exhaustion.

"_Despite this, he still manages to maintain his large fanbase!" said the narrator._

"I did it!" said Fox, cheering.

All of the fangirls ran onto the stadium, cheered and did their fangirly-like flirty stuff to Fox.

"_But Fox McCloud has a dark secret…" said the narrator, "…Fox McCloud's has never actually fought against anyone! The whole time he has been hiring stunt actors and professional wrestlers to stand in for him!"_

"Okay, here's your fifty bucks!" said Fox, handing a wad of cash to a tall, muscular man wearing a fox hat. "Now go get 'em!"

Fox patted the man on the back as he ran out into the stadium.

"Start the match!" said a loud voice over the loudspeaker.

The muscular knocked out Link with one punch.

"Fox wins!" said the man over the loudspeaker.

"Switch!" shouted Fox, swapping with the wrestler.

"Hooray! I did it! I won! I did it!" cheered Fox.

All of the fangirls ran onto the stadium, cheered and did their fangirly-like flirty stuff to Fox.

"_But Fox's truth is slowly making its way out!" said the narrator._

"Fox!" shouted Bowser, "Your match is on the television! Aren't you supposed to be there?"

Fox sat down on the couch next to Bowser. "Uh… no?"

Fox chuckled nervously.

"But it's a live match! You're fighting right now!" said Bowser, confused.

"Well… there's a time delay… the match is already over!" laughed Fox.

"Really? Then did you win?" asked Bowser.

"Of course!" said Fox, "The match was over really quickly, I did my Falcon Punch on him and then-"

"You don't have a Falcon punch," said Bowser, "Captain Falcon does!"

"Well, I swallowed him and copied his abilities!" boasted Fox.

"That's what Kirby does! Do you even know who you fought against?" asked Bowser angrily.

"Of course I know who I'm against! I'm fighting… uh…" said Fox, glaring at the screen, "Poh… po…"

"And shouldn't you be hurt or something! Popo just punched you in the face… there's blood everywhere!" said Bowser, concerned.

"Uh… quick healing ability?" chuckled Fox.

"And why do you look on the television very… un-Fox-like?"

"That's me with my usual match make-up on!" said Fox, proudly, "See? Doesn't that look like me?"

"An elaborate costume that looks like a human wearing a frog hat? How convincing…" Bowser rolled his eyes.

"I knew he should have worn better makeup…" muttered Fox to himself, "And to think that I paid him two hundred bucks!"

"What?" shouted Bowser, "I'm telling Master Hand that you're cheating! Cheating is wrong and against the rules!"

Bowser quickly pocketed the saltshaker he was going to use to poison Kirby, and walked out.

"I'll use my kung fu on you!" shouted Fox angrily, "You'll never get away with it!"

Fox ran up to Bowser and slapped him.

Bowser rolled his eyes, and walked into Master Hand's office.

"Little did he know that I have telekinesis powers!" laughed Fox, "I will abuse my powers to make Bowser resign as a Smasher!"

Fox chuckled maniacally.

**Five minutes later…**

Master Hand floated out of his office, and looked at Fox.

"So is Bowser resigning?" laughed Fox, "And by the way… I had nothing to do with it… I was not abusing my psychic abilities…"

Fox pretended to cough, and chuckled immaturely while his hand was over his mouth.

"What are you talking about?" asked Master Hand angrily, "I'm firing you! You're a phoney! And a cheater!"

"Oh," said Fox.

"Can I at least collect my prizemoney for that ti-"

"No," said Master Hand.

"Oh," said Fox.

**EDN.**

**(of chapter)**

See? That was really dry. Review, but please, please, PLEASE, DO NOT review who you want me to do next.

LEAVE REVIEWS THO, K?


	6. Roy

The Obsessive Smashers Show!  
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Super Smash Brothers which I happen to feature in this story. These Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo.

Author's note: All of the characters will be covered, in essence of Know Your Smashers/rip-offs any other of those chat shows that cover a few individuals each chapter. If you tell me who to do next, most likely your character will go last, except if I like your favourite character, then you get away with it.

Dry note: This story is as funny as the number of witty lines that a politician will say in their career. And that's not a lot.

**The Obsessive Smashers Show!  
Episode Six: Roy**

"_Roy, a loved swordsman who is currently ranked as the first Smasher!" said the narrator._

"I'm not going to lose this grand final match to you!" said Link, looking angrily at Roy.

"Well… you will… because uh… they're giving a million dollar sponsorship deal to the runner up," said Roy.

"Really?" asked Link, "Because I could really use that kind of-"

Roy sissy punched Link in the stomach, hurling him out of the stadium.

…

…

"By the way, I was lying," shouted Roy, cupping his hand over his mouth, "Just needed to let you know."

"_But what some fans may not know is that Roy is being questioned for charges of fraud!" said the narrator, trying to sound shocked._

Some old footage of people in a theatre gasping appeared on the screen.

"_For years, Roy has faked numerous degrees in professions he knows nothing about, from Accounting to Experimental Acupuncture!"_

"Hey Roy, you're a podiatrist, right?" asked Bowser, walking into Roy's room.

"Yep" said Roy. "Can I have my fifty dollar consultation fee?"

Bowser passed a bill to Roy.

"_In fact, it has been estimated that he has made several million dollars from ripping people off!"_

"And twenty dollars extra for GST?" asked Roy.

Bowser handed a twenty dollar bill to Roy.

"And the supplementary tax cha-"

"Can you just check out my foot already?" growled Bowser angrily.

"Fine," sighed Roy, "What's your problem?"

"Well, my foot has been hurting for the last few days," said Bowser, taking off his shoes, "And if you can see here, a bit of blood on the side, do you know what's happening?"

"Uh…" said Roy, improvising, "Your foot has… the flu… give it… these tablets…"

Roy took a packet of cough mixture out of his pocket, and handed it to Bowser.

"You're… you're not serious, are you?" asked Bowser angrily, "W- why are you giving me cough drops… for my foot? Are you a real podiatrist?"

"Here, I'll show you my degree!" said Roy, looking through the alphabetical filing system of his 'degree drawer'.

Roy took out a piece of paper, and showed it to Bowser.

"Oh oka-" said Bowser, suddenly stopping, "Print a degree dot com?"

Roy covered the web address on his degree with his hand.

"That's it! I'm calling the fraud investigation office!" said Bowser angrily, dialing a number in on his mobile phone.

Roy's phone rang.

"Hello?" said Roy, picking up the phone, "Roy, anti-fraud law enforcer, how can I help you?"

"Y- y- you're the fraud police?" asked Bowser, shocked.

"Well I have natural skill!" boasted Roy.

"_Unfortunately, the fraud game has its drawbacks!" said the narrator._

Roy answered the door, as somebody had knocked on it.

"Hello, I'm Detective Cadwell," said a man wearing police uniform, "And I am putting you under arrest for 182 counts of fraud."

"Really?" asked Roy, filing through his drawer, "Because I'm a detective as well! I've made about ten thousand dollars through my detective work!"

Roy showed the detective his shoddy degree.

The detective looked at the degree.

…

"Put the handcuffs on him," said the detective angrily. "There's nothing you can say or do to get out of this, so don't try!"

…

…

"Uh… twenty percent off acupuncture?" chuckled a nervous Roy.

Two policemen picked up Roy, and threw him into the back of a police van.

"Now shut up," said the detective, who was driving the van.

…

…

"Fifty percent off acupuncture?" asked Roy.

A policewoman, looking angrily at Roy, took out the pepper spray.

…

…

"Eighty-five percent off acupuncture and a free credit consultation?" asked Roy.

The policewoman sprayed pepper spray into Roy's eyes.

…

…

"Ow!" said Roy angrily.

**EDN.**

**(of chapter)**

See? That was really dry. Review, but please, please, PLEASE, DO NOT review who you want me to do next.

LEAVE REVIEWS THO, K?


End file.
